@Ottawa

1. They walk among us

IDIOT SIGHTING. My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said,'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.' The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the people at MacD's. IDIOT SIGHTING: We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.' We haven't used that repairman since. Happened in Ipswich, Qld. IDIOT SIGHTING : I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' Story from Collingwood, Melbourne. IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. From Bankstown, Sydney. IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' This happened in Elizabeth S.A. IDIOT SIGHTING: The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She is a government employee in Adelaide P.O. IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.' Holden Dealer Brisbane. Remember, They walk among us... ------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. A 'dog' story A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!" "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!" "Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does." Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?" The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a b --- before he talked to your Mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!" The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. Two Beggars in Rome Two beggars were sitting side-by-side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one, the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but put money only in the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. The Pope comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but giving none to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the Pope goes over the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross in front of him. In fact, they would probably give money to him just out of spite." The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the Pope, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. Top Joke in Australia A young man went to his father one day to tell him that He wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the Girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha, a girl from The neighborhood. With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.'' The young man again brought three more names to his father but ended up frustrated because the response was Still the same. So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.'' His mother smiling said to him, ''Don't worry my son, you can marry any of Those girls. You're not his son. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. Top Joke in Northern Ireland A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. 'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient. The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'. 'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?' The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. Top Joke in England Two weasels are sitting on a barstool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!' The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!' The other says, 'Go home dad you're drunk.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- end